My niece Elsie-May

My niece Elsie-May
My niece Elsie-May

Today Donna and I went to visit her sister to see our new niece, Elsie-May. She is the cutest little thing and we are so happy for Mary and Ryan, also we are so thankful for the neonatal intensive care unit that looked after her due to her being born many weeks early, weighing only just 4 pounds!

Hopefully Donna doesn’t get too broody now her sister has had a baby!


Bigfoot vs Polar Bear

Lets assume for a second that bigfoot exists, which I am lead to believe he does because he was in a movie when I was a kid, and everything I saw as kid was definitely true. Also all the people that have reported seeing him have been shotgun toting hunters with epic beards, and we all know that people with beards do not lie.

First lets start with looking at bigfoot who is basically what you would get if you mixed a gorilla with a human being. He is assumed to be brutishly strong and fairly intelligent, please note that bigfoot should not be confused with Adam Glass who currently is starting to resemble a half man / half bear hybrid.  Being that bigfoot is reported to live predominantly in forests in Northern America it is assumed that he is pretty good at hunting, coupled with the fact that he has never been caught can also indicate that he either has the ability to turn invisible or that he has acrobatic skills on a par with a ninja.

Now polar bears are a particularly confusing species to me, I have to think that any species that lives in the Arctic circle is either fucking retarded or extremely hardcore. For this comparison I will assume that they are indeed the latter and thus coupled with their extreme bodyweight and strength they would be a formidable foe.

The main weakness of a polar obviously would be the temperature due to it living the vast majority of its life in negative temperatures. Thus for this fight to be fair you would have to choose somewhere that is a balance between the two species natural climates. My vote would be for Scotland as its always damned cold there and there are plenty of forests that suit bigfoot quite well.

So we have looked at the physical and mental attributes of these two species and the next important aspect to me is the music they listen to whilst they train for this mighty fight. I have it on good authority that bigfoots favourite song is “The Forest Whispers My Name” by Cradle of Filth and that in general he enjoys black metal and thrash because he is sick of all the shit that hippys play in his forest.

As for polar bears, they are so far from civilization that they generally lack electricity and so don’t get much chance to listen to music. For some strange reason the vast majority of polar bears listen to rap music and almost all of them love the song “Cold As Ice” by M.O.P. Whether that is cool or not is totally in your hands, but I think not.

So in this fight we have two brutishly strong combatants who given the chance to train for this fight would be even stronger than normal. Bigfoot has a slight edge in terms of intelligence, being that he is a master escape artist and polar bears are too thick to catch a lift on a boat to the Bahamas. On the other hand the polar bear probably has the edge in terms of ferocity, in close quarters fighting my money would definitely be with the polar bear.

My personal opinion would be that the winner would totally depend on the rules of the fight. Should they be forced into a cage fight then I think the polar bear would win due to his ferocity, whereas if they were air dropped into a forest I think bigfoot has the cunning and skills to outwit the polar bear and royally fuck him up.


Mini Adventure

After my workout today I decided to go for a short run and after a mile or so I stopped to investigate something in a stream that didn’t turn out anywhere near as exciting as I initially thought.  This stroke of excitement then led me onto deciding to go for a mini adventure off the regular beaten trail and walk through the woods.

After acquiring myself a stick from a fallen branch, for no particular reason other than it seemed cool to walk with it, I trekked through the trees and bushes in totally random directions occasionally stopping to investigate things of random interest.  I realised that there are an insane amount of tyres dumped in that area, and I also found a VERY old motorbike and a lambretta, both of which were rusted to hell and have probably been there for at least a decade.

One of these small dumps of tyres was particularly intriguing as from the distance one of them looked quite large and I have been interested in using a truck tyre to practise sledgehammer work on.  I trekked my way towards the three tyres and as I got closer I realised that something wasn’t quite right, like something was watching me.  As I looked around I realised there was a big ass snake next to the tyres, quite well camouflaged in the grass and branches of the ground.  The snake was much much bigger than any snake I have ever seen before in the wild!  I have seen small grass snakes before but this one was a whopper, not quite as big as a python which I have seen before as pets, but this snake was certainly big enough that I decided to quietly walk in the other direction.

A short while later I saw some wild rabbits and at one point I decided to see how close I could get to them with my amazing ginger ninja skills.  Evidently my skills are nowhere near as good as I thought because every time I started getting close they darted off in a hurry, I decided that it was probably best not to keep chasing them for my own amusement because it wasn’t fair on the poor little things.

Towards the end of my little trek I found a large 26″ diameter tyre, that I decided was just big enough for what I wanted, and so I decided to call my mini adventure quits and try and get this thing home.  I spent about 2 miles rolling, throwing and carrying the tyre until I got home and dumped it on my back garden.  After that I was pretty damn tired, the tyre was heavier than I first thought.

I decided to top the nice adventure off with the first of many attempts at improving my writing, by surprisingly enough, writing more, and so here we are my first little story over with.



Decided to give WordPress a go as my old blogging software just wasn’t doing it for me.  Going to transition everything over here slowly and try and make a bit more of an effort to post regularly.